wine and cable television

i begin again, though you may have neither noticed nor considered that i had not continued my beginning, but, quite oppositely, stopped; because i turned to numbing my so overly alert and sensitive nerve endings with cable television and red wine. what a combination. with every sense, a truly conducive combined agent for getting to bed early and not caring. and i could justify a lot by waking at the crack of dawn, a pot of really strong coffee down before the others stir, and a fist full of determination to do much better today... what comes on tonight? i haven't been pent up inside so much as i have been pent up inside a much oblique and obligated world where my word was ultimately silenced, so i silenced all my inner voices just the same and came upon my pent up-ness knowing no more than i could have known inside their own ideas, had they been accessible. awareness and consciousness are funny things, i tell you. and if my experiment were purposeful, then the results determinedly find the same path's end - you cannot find enlightenment with reality cooking shows and Toucan market's 3 for $10 deal.